4:00 in the Morning

It is a bit after 4 am, and I am undone.  I am so tired, but can't sleep.  My mind is heavy with the weight of issues that won't be resolved at this early hour.  On a Saturday, when all I want to do is sleep in, my mind won't rest.  Lord, please give me peace.

I'm thinking about career moves.  Is it time for me to move? Am I really ready? And if I don't make a leap now, what is the alternative? Stay at a job where I am growing stagnant? Where I am not challenged?  What marketable skills do I really have? These are the questions that forced me out of sleep and won't let me go back.

I love to write.  I love to edit.  I even love this neglected blog.  But I don't know what I should do.  I don't even know what the point of this blog is.  As I read other blogs and see how they grow, mostly because of the author's dedication and consistency, I realize that I don't have either of those attributes: dedication nor consistency.  I love to journal...and I think that these brief moments of inspired writing (typing?) here in this space, are just a quicker way for me to get my thoughts out.

So, let me do just that: mind vomit, so that I can go back to sleep.  I really want another job.  I would love to work in a place where I do more writing, but writing about things that matter to me.  Things that engage my mind.  I want to be challenged, and in this way, I would have to do some things that would take me beyond the limits of my small, boxy comfort zone.  If that is not possible, I need to find a way to make my current job more profitable, and more challenging.  I don't think my boss wants that for me right now, but I need it. I am suffering and stifled. Although I am grateful for the flexibility this job has afforded me, I am really kind of over it. I would love for a job that allows me to work virtually.

I want to expand my network.  I want a mentor.  A woman in the same or similar industry that can help me navigate my career path.  I want to cut my hair but am afraid that I will be too lazy to style it well.

I want to start running again.  I want an early morning running buddy, preferably in this development, or in the surrounding area.  I want to run a 10 mile race before the year is out.  

I want to be an ova-lacto vegetarian, as meat and me and grains and me are not getting along very well.

I want to pay off my car and my private student loan.  This year.  And I want another job that pays me well enough to do it.

I want to be a better wife and mother with more energy and more desire to do things in the house (and more time to do it as well!)

Okay, I think that is it :)