In this season of my life, I have been striving and striving and striving. I have not had peace in my heart. I have been depending on my own strength in all things. I have been trying to hold my own life together, not willing to let go, desperately clinging to a safety and security in this world that does not truly exist. I have been staging my own mini-rebellion against You, simultaneously needing You and pushing You away. And in my struggle, I have found that I am incapable of filling Your shoes. Even on my knees, asking You to make Your presence known, I have felt deeply that I need to write. I can only truly sort out my words when they are flowing from me onto a tangible surface. Whether it is a computer screen or a notebook, I am most at peace when I am honest with You, pen in hand or with keys below my fingertips.
Lord, my life has been filled with distractions. And I know that You have been patiently waiting, knowing that my path outward would loop back towards You. I miss You. I miss time with You. I am asking that, as I more diligently seek You in this space and in my journal, that You make Your presence known to me. Help me to crowd out the other voices, including my own, that drown You out. Lord, I pray for a space and time where we can meet and Your presence envelopes me. Thank You for never leaving me, never forsaking me and for reminding me that I cannot flee from Your presence. And thank you for understanding my rambling.
In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen :)
